He Chose Me
By Kim Bagato

On my first retreat at The Springs, I sensed great peace as I settled in. I’d contemplated what it would be like to spend time at a Catholic retreat center. The family I grew up in did not attend church every Sunday. We didn’t even go on Christmas or Easter. Therefore, my religious training was scant.

The first night of The Springs retreat we gathered in the chapel. My eyes were drawn to Jesus on the cross. I believe it was the first time I saw his humanness—He was a man. Jesus is God, but I saw him that night as human. It struck me how sad and hard and unnatural it looked to see him so vulnerable and in need of care. Memories appeared in my mind’s eye of my husband, son, dad, grandpa and friends I’d seen in hospitals, in pain, near death. Men—strong healthy men—injured, ill, vulnerable. They are the ones I lean on and look to and seeing them incapacitated is difficult for me.

Christ on the cross was a startling reminder of the pain he endured and the humility and abuse he met from men he could have overpowered.
  He chose not to.
    For me.
         He.
         Chose.
         Me.
The following afternoon, I walked the path through the Stations of the Cross. I did some research and discovered the titles and themes of each of the 14 Stations of the Cross and learned some background. I delved into my Bible searching for truth. (See Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23 and John 19.)
I found it.
    Violent.
            Harsh.
                    Abusive.
I’m uncertain if I’ll ever fully understand His horrendous yet supernatural sacrifice. That is not a pretty, holy, serene looking Jesus. He endured more than most of us will in a lifetime.

Deeply humbled and nearly in a state of shock, I allowed the gravity of that tragic injustice to soak deep. The profound truth of Christ’s unwavering expression of faithfulness, love and obedience to the Father’s will silenced my mind and granted me peace as I prayed: Oh, God I don’t ever want to discount or squander your sacrifice and the unimaginable cost you paid to save my soul. It’s so valuable and heavy I can barely carry it. 

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November 2013

We had a great time!  

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Our Part in Spiritual Transformation

"Our aim is not first to act differently but to become different in our inner being. We're not just learning how to be nicer versions of our old selves. We're dealing radically with the fundamental wrongness of human life left to itself and introducing the kingdom of righteousness that is Christ into the depths of our heart. It is the inner life that counts. That is where profound transformation must occur.

"Spiritual formation for the Christian refers to the Holy Spirit-driven-process of forming the inner world of the human self in such a way that it becomes like the inner being of Christ himself. To the degree spiritual formation in Christ is successful, the outer life of the individual becomes a natural expression of this character and the teachings of Jesus." ( Dallas Willard, Renovation of Character).

It is the love of God that will change us. And "God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit" (Rom 5:5). It is the love of God flowing through us--not our human attempts at behavioral change--that will transform. God's love is the love described in I Cor. 13. His love will never give up. That's why Paul prays in Ephesians 3 that they will know God's love that surpasses knowledge and be filled up to the full measure of all the fullness of God. As the Spirit expands our experiential knowing of the God who is Love, we will be freed to know ourselves, in all of our vulnerability and shame, and be changed.  It is the grace of God that gets next to us, and transforms.

Grace does not rule out method or effort on our part. Grace says that what we receive is not earned or even deserved. Grace is a gift that is given to us. But grace does not mean that we cannot "make every effort" to be open to His love. The part we can play seems to be around the idea of being intentional or deliberate, to work with the Spirit to receive His grace and grow in our experience of His love. Our tendency is to hide, and get distracted, and fail to be attentive--even resistant. The invitation is to receive His gift.

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We can't give up!

C.S. Lewis' chapter in Mere Christianity on “Sexual Morality” – seems to have a lot to say about whatever struggles we are engaged in.

“Many people are deterred from seriously attempting Christian chastity because they think (before trying) that it is impossible. But when a thing has to be attempted, one must never think about possibility or impossibility. Faced with an optional question in an examination paper, one considers whether one can do it or not: faced with a compulsory question, one must do the best one can. You may get some marks for a very imperfect answer: you will certainly get none for leaving the question alone. Not only in examinations, but in war, in mountain climbing, in learning to skate, or swim, or ride a bicycle, even in fastening a stiff collar with cold fingers, people quite often do what seemed impossible before they did it. It is wonderful what you can do when you have to.

“We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity—like perfect charity- will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity, or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection….

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Spiritual Transformation

Some of us seem to have given up hope that we can do anything about our inner character. We truly believe that transformation must be a supernatural act of God on our heart if we will ever be changed. We've gotten on with our lives and hope that someday, the Holy Spirit will bring to completion the work He has begun.

Others of us may roll up our sleeves and set out on a journey to become like Christ. Ben Franklin writes in his autobiography about how he "conceiv'd the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection. I wish'd to live without committing any fault at any time...I did not see why I might not always do right and avoid the wrong. But I soon found I had undertaken a task of more difficulty than I had imagined...I concluded, at length, that the mere speculative conviction that it was in our interest to be completely virtuous, was not sufficient to prevent our slipping; and that the contrary habits must be broken, and good ones acquired and estabished, before we can have any dependence on a steady, uniform rectitude of conduct."  So Ben Franklin conceived of a method. But after years of trying, he writes:

"This article, therefore, cost me so much painful attention, and my faults in it vexed me so much, and I made so little progress in amendment, and had such frequent relapses, that I was almost ready to give up the attempts, and content myself with a faulty character in that respect, like the man who, in buying an ax of a smith, my neighbour, desired to have the whole of its surface as bright as the edge. The smith consented to grind it bright for him if he would turn the wheel; he turn'd, while the smith press'd the broad face of the ax hard and heavily on the stone, which made the turning of it very fatiguing. The man came every now and then from the wheel to see how the work went on, and at length would take his ax as it was, without farther grinding. "No," said the smith, "turn on, turn on; we shall have it bright by-and by; as yet, it is only speckled."  "Yes," said the man, "but I think I like a speckled ax best." And I believe this may have been the case with many...they concluded "a speckled ax was best." 

Franklin reflects: "I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it."

Franklin's approach seems exhausting -- and completely focused on external behavior. When externals are the main focus, spiritual formation doesn't really happen. As Paul writes to the Colossians, ""Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!  These regulations have an appearance of wisdom, butthey lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." (Col. 2:20-23) It's the inner life that counts -- that's where spiritual transformation must occur.  But how?

What is your understanding of spiritual transformation? How do we walk in the path of righteousness? What is our role in putting to death the old man, and putting on the new?

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Following along the Path of Righteousness

True righteousness requires that we open ourselves to Him, that we allow ourselves to be honest and vulnerable with Lord in prayer – coming to Him and presenting our true self --not the self we show others, not even the private self that we ourselves see, but our inmost self, the hidden person of our heart – the self that God sees in order that we might be forgiven and changed. 

Don’t mistake what I am saying. We do not live righteously, and no amount of trying harder will get us there. Yet righteousness is God’s dream for us. It is His call. It seems we have two natural responses. Many of us are overwhelmed by our own sense of unworthiness and failure. We have lost hope that things in our lives will ever be different than they are today. We know becoming righteous is not something that we will ever accomplish, so we have stopped trying. Somehow we have come to believe that trying to become all that God dreams for us to be, is legalistic, goes against grace. We think that because transformation is by grace and not by works, we shouldn’t make any effort to try to become righteous. We reason, if transformation is all a gift of His grace, then we simply need to entrust His work to Him, and in the process, we relieve ourselves of all responsibility to be growing in righteousness.

Psalm 23 says that the Lord guides us in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake –He guides us, but it seems, we must follow, step by step, to walk along the path He shows us.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

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Hiding

Foolishly we hide ourselves in fear that God will be displeased, though in fact the hiding may be what displeases God the most. It feels to us like self-protection; but to God, it looks like lack of trust. In either case, the wall of fear will keep us apart. When I acknowledge my need and reflect on God's desire to embrace me, I can come out of hiding. Our God is the prodigal's father. At first sight of us, He runs to meet us. Daring to return home, I find not a tyrant, but a compassionate Father.

Knowing that we are loved, draws us home. His dream is that we have the willingness to trust Him enough to come. His dream is that we have compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, the ability to put up with annoying people, to forgive, to love -- His character in our hearts. When we open ourselves in vulnerability and receive His mercy and grace, He transforms our character...gives us new clothes to wear. (Col 3)  He accomplishes in our lives what we are completely unable to do on our own. He transforms us.

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Fear yields to His embrace

I thought I had to be perfect to be accepted. My deep-seated fear of rejection has begun to yield to God's embrace. Somehow, in a way I can only trust and not understand, presenting to God the truth of my life gives Him pleasure...Let me say this again: Our fear of rejection yields to God's embrace. His love for me is not diminished by my sin, my willfulness, my rebellion or my failure. Somehow, in a way I can only trust and not understand, presenting to God the truth of my life gives God pleasure...Opening my self is really about trust.

Trust in His love for you...look at Him hanging on the Cross and remember the depth of His love, then you will be able trust Him, and open your inner self to Him, telling Him what you find there. We do not need to fear. We do not need to hide. We do not need to present to Him anything other than the truth.

Trust Him. Trust that when you open yourself to Him, He will delight in you. Let His love dispel your fear of rejection and lead you into His arms of love.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.

Psam 103:8-14

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Arms of love

Jesus, our Shepherd, guides us in paths of righteousness. Becoming righteous is a process of opening our self to Him, our true self. The path of righteousness is a path that leads us ultimately to our home in Christ, but it is also a path that takes us through the anguish of the Garden of Gethsemane, to the foot of the Cross where we see His extravagant love for us demonstrated, through the darkness of valley of the shadow of death, as we journey home. Where are you in your journey today?

All the way my Shepherd leads me. He holds me in His arms of love. He holds me near. And when we get weary, He carries us in His arms of love.

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior!
For each day he carries us in his arms.

Psam 68:19

 

He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young.

Isaiah 40:11

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Invitation

"For too long we have been in a far country: a country of noise and hurry and crowds, a country of climb and push and shove, a country of frustration and fear and intimidation. And He welcomes us home: home to serenity and peace and joy, home to friendship and fellowship and openness, home to intimacy and acceptance and affirmation." (Foster, Prayer, p 1-2)
 

We do not need to be shy. Jesus invites us into His heart where we can know His love that surpasses all knowledge. He invites us into the intimacy of His friendship, He invites us into His protection where we are safe because He is strong. Jesus invites us into a loving, vital relationship where we come to know, and to be known by, Him.

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A Dream

I have become convinced that Jesus has a dream for us -- that we will become righteous. When Jesus says "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Mt. 5:48), He wasn't joking or exaggerating. He wants us to be righteous. Not a "have a pretense of righteousness," but a true righteousness. Real. Authentic. From-the-heart righteousness. That is His hope for us. He has made us righteous by His death on the Cross, and He calls us to live in righteousness now. 

The Lord will guide us in the path of righteousness. He will lead us. He is our Good Shepherd. Our part is to be willing to follow. Not to be distracted, inattentive, straying, going our own way, but step-by-step to follow as He guides us in paths of righteousness.

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling -- calling for you and for me. O for the wonderful love He has promised...promised for you and for me. Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon. Pardon for you and for me. Come home. Come home. Ye who are weary, come home. Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling. Calling, O sinner, come home.

If you have strayed in your attentiveness to Him, simply turn, and come home.

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Our Personal Knowing of God

What have you learned about yourself as a result of your experience with God?

And what do you know about God as a result of genuine encounter with your self?

The first thing some Christians would say they know about themselves as a result of their relationship with God is their sinfulness. And quite possibly the first thing they would say they learned about God from this was God’s forgiveness and love. These are important things to know. But what else do you know about yourself and God that has arisen from your encounter with the Divine?

While many of us have followed Jesus for much longer than the three years we have tracked in Peter’s journey, too often we have not allowed the initial introduction to deepen into a deep, intimate knowing. Though we glibly talk about a personal relationship with God, many of us know God less well than we know our casual acquaintances. Too easily we have settled for knowing about God. Too easily our actual relationship with God is remarkably superficial. Is it any surprise, then, that we haven’t learned very much about our self as a result of this encounter?

From: The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self Discovery

Pausing for Reflection
● Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by guilt if you judge your own relationship with God to be superficial. Hear God’s call to a deep personal encounter as an invitation, not a reprimand. It is an invitation to step out of the security of your boat and meet Jesus in the vulnerability and chaos of your inner storms. It is an invitation to move beyond objective knowledge to personal knowing. The question is, how will you respond to this invitation?

I enjoy David Benner's books and his weekly Something to Ponder posting? If you are interested, you can find him at: www.drdavidgbenner.ca/blog

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Our Hope - Psalm 23

God's goodness and love will continue as long as life lasts and beyond we will be welcomed into the house of the Lord forever. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death will not terrify us. God's presence is the strength of His people. He is our comfot. He protects us. And with His staff He draws the straying sheep back to safety. He is our host who bountifully entertains us at His table. We anticipate nothing but goodness and mercy, a long life spent in communion with the Lord and looking forward to dwelling in our heavenly home with Him forever.

Wildflowers in the grass at St. Anthonys

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A Gracious Host

 

The Lord is a gracious host, providing us with lavish hospitality. He welcomes us into His home and showers us with His abundant blessing.

His loyal love will go with us everywhere, through all of life. God's blessing remains with us, no matter what our circumstances may be. Each day, every day, we will enjoy full communion with the Lord. In fact, the Hebrew verb translated "I will dwell" conveys the idea of returning...it's the same verb is used earlier in the psalm and is translated, "He restores" (23:3). Perhaps the psalmist is drawing our attention to the daily refreshment we find as we return, continually attend to dwelling in the presence of the Lord.

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God's Care for Us

"The Lord is our Shephed, I have everything that I need."

All the way my Shepherd leads me.

As we reflected on God's providential care, we were reminded of how He drew us to Himself.

 

 

 

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God's Care for Us

The familiar words from Psalm 23 formed the framework for our retreat this spring. Using metaphors from pastoral life, in Psalm 23 David describes God's providential care. He provides rest, refreshment, guidance, protection thru the valleys, and abundance at His banquet table...

 

 

As the retreat began, we reflected on God's providential care for us. And shared our stories.

Betsy shared her months of walking through the valley and how God seemed absent, for months, even though she was in His Word and praying. One day as she was walking, God revealed to her how He had been with her, providing real care for her and her family through the many people He surrounded her with during this time.

David concludes: "surely goodness and love will follow us all of the days of our lives and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." As we looked back, we could see God's goodness and how He cared for us.

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A Wonderful Time at the Retreat

“I just wanted to take a moment before I headed back home to say thank you. I am so grateful for the gift you gave not only me, but my family as well. Have you ever had a full-body massage? Well, I feel as if I’ve had a full-spirit massage. I haven’t felt this peace in years. The Lord had something He really needed me to hear and in the silence I was able to hear it. No, not just hear it, but truly listen. I am not the same woman that so nervously embarked on this seemingly scary experience. You were an integral part of the Lord filling my cup to overflowing. I will be seeing you next year (or in November if God wills it).  THANK YOU!”  With a grateful heart…

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Seeking the Lord with Purpose

“How did the Lord use this time? He used it for refreshing, renewal, and re-assurance that His love for me is not based on performance or how well I think I am doing at living a Christ-like life. I want to be intentional to seek the Lord with purpose. If I had to boil what I’m taking home down to one word, it would be: Re-assurance.”  Diana Herman

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Follow Me

“The Lord used this time to do some inner “business.” I especially felt God’s blessing as I meditated on the stations out in the larger yard from the Nativity to Christ’s Ascension.”  Eleanor Hill

“The Springs is a soul-lifting time that is always exactly as God intends it to be. It’s a sweet treat in my busy time-crunched life. Thank you for this time. The Lord gave me rest—much needed rest. He also spoiled me with small blessings – special words, his majesty through nature, quiet times with Him, sweet sleep, and new friends. The main thing I received, was ‘Keep moving – follow Me.’” Chrystal Sturm

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Attending to His Voice

“He meets me here everytime, and this time was another one for the record books. The Lord wooed me on my way here (praise and worship in the car), welcomed me with open arms and encouragement (the wonderful team) and guided me to his Word where He laid His character open for me to know Him. How great is our God?!  I want to be intentional about being in constant intimacy with the Lord. It’s only by knowing and being practiced at recognizing His voice, that we can we hear it in our lives.” Rachel Dutcher

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